Hello ello, so on the 17/09/2016 I offically turned 19.
I will be honest 18 was not a good slice of pie and it was a little bitter if I say so myself. Even though 18 is famous for doing stuff legally instead of 'in the bush' it wasn't much of a change. But even it was a rougher year I learnt a few things and I though it be cool to share with you and it be rad if you could comment anything you may have learnt in a specific year.1. Things aren't a straight line. Things will come all at once or not at all. Things come in all forms of way like the abstract none linear editing of Pulp Fiction, aka one of my favourite films ever. This film is also rated 18 so it just works with this whole blog post hehe.
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| pic credit: tumblr x |
I think this year was the first year I may have fallen in love with someone or appreciated someone enough to think they may appreciate and be there for me as well. But he fascinated me a lot. All love is being there for one another no matter what emotion comes up on the wheel for that day.Whether that is intimacy with one another or simply comforting someone by sitting in the same room in complete comfortable silence.
4. your loss, babe.
dear asshole, your finally learning how the tables are turning. Just know that if I like/appreciate/love you I will try to give you the world or whatever I can control. But if you stop giving me a reason to care you'll realize that I will get rid of an excess piece that way weighing me down whilst you lose someone who wanted to only lift you higher.
5. stop worrying about people who aren't worried about you.
"a girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her"- Marilyn Monroe.
6. Make yourself a priority. Be patient with yourself and conquer from within.
you are enough. At the end of the day, all we have is who we are, so take care of that. you decide whether you are content with the life you live not an manipulative acquaintance. Prioritize what you think will improve your well being ;whether that a life style change, like cutting out meat or focusing on that poetry book you threw aside as you tried to achieve other people expectations.Start doing stuff for yourself more and don't be like 18 year old Kon who never did.
7. Friends can break your heart too.
the biggest heart breakers of them all.
8. nostalgia is a killer.
I remember the first summer with you and I remember the second summer with you. The second was shit maybe because I was so obsessed with the first.
9."I rebel: therefore I exist"- Albert Comus.
listen to these 3 songs please (with headphones) : It Starts With Me- Stick to your Guns // Make Believe - The Used // She's a Rebel- Green day
the last year of compulsory education is a mess. Both by the system and the methods given to student. I was in my college(upper high school) from 8:30-17/18:00 everyday besides Friday. In the weekends I dedicated a whole day of the weekend to the commutative 16 hours of homework it gave me from the three subjects I took. Coffee at one point didn't work on me, I became immune to the morning espresso and the midday vanilla latte & lastly the disgusting filter canteen coffee. One thing that was a more effective charge up was just a lil nap of 20-60 min.
11. Live music can heal the world for all I care.
I am not sure if it's the live bass that reflects in the blood vessels. The way the drums play in your stomach or the vocals perform therapy sessions than any professional could. Live music is my escape, I was very privileged to go to several concerts at 18 and that's something I used to keep me going honestly.
I have severe anxiety and have since I was 6 years old. Only at 18 have I accepted that. I've also learnt that fear of mine have killed more dreams than failure ever will. My anxiety is apart of me and I have accepted that. It has a seat with my happiness, sadness, anger, and disgust. And that's okay. Who knows maybe at one point i'll open up fully but for now know that you chose what controls you, some days and nights are going to be tough but that just makes you human. It doesn't define you.
13. apply a simple rule with people in your life strike three your out.
At 18, I gave out my forgiveness far to easily to things and concepts that don't deserve it. My feeling were always on the line and that sort of sucks. People kept hurting me and hurting me for similar reasons. I just would forgive them when in reality the wounds they have caused barely healed by the time they hurt me again.When all I ever did was try to help them as my intentions were simply to look out for them all.This year and the year onward there is a rule; strike one, i'll forgive you as that's something everyone deserves. Strike 2, I need to see improvements or no hints that I will ever get hurt again. Lastly ...the famous strike 3 you're out, strike three is a thin thread because they should of learnt better after the 2nd strike.
14. the only thing you can control is yourself, if you don't like where you are .. move you are not a tree. you know when you are content with what you have and more importantly who you are.. You decide whether or not you gave that task 100% or not.
15. Don't apologies for feeling or something or a lot.
I think our generation has developed this need to apologies for everything. If someone hurt you, that person hurt you and they have no permission to say over wise. You are a human being who will feel the color wheel of emotions and have a right to every single one of them. if you are sad, you are sad. if you are pissed, you are ready to tear a mother fucker, that how it goes and don't let anyone control your emotions.
16. spend some time alone and get to know someone- yourself.
DON'T NEGLECT YOURSELF. DON'T NEGLECT YOUR EMOTIONS, YOUR WELL BEING.
I think the most dominant feeling in my life at 18 was being lost within myself. No one gave me that feeling besides myself. But if there is something I've learnt from this is to look at it in a different mindset. It's being lost on a map inside your head rather then a black hole that you can't come out of. So no matter where you wonder you'll get to a main 'road' or concept- metaphorically speaking. Being lost is normal through the transition of being given the power to do what ever the fuck you want with yourself, after you're technically not held back by any legal concept of your parents.
18." don't belong to no city to no man"
Apologies for the lateness that is this blog post- I wanted to perfect it/ i've been in work for 13 days straight without a day off and all I do is nap and pray for a non-hectic day in the cafe, I hope this helps you maybe and ill talk to you very soon :-)
